#kindness

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On Mentors, Trading Eggs for Pants, and Doodling

Every week I am going to speak to three subjects: books, ideas, people, products, or innovations that I believe are peace-building, heart-opening, community-celebrating, love-spreading vehicles. Complaining and criticizing are easy traps to fall into, but I am convinced that building up holds far more power and transformative energy.

So, my sweet friends, here goes….Our world is a beautiful village and peace does begin at home.

What I am LOVING this week…

1) Mentors

This week my step-daughter Alex is finishing her second education practicum. Of all her teacher-training experiences thus far, this particular semester has shone the brightest largely thanks to the beautiful mentoring that she has received from the teacher to which she was assigned.

These last several weeks, when Alex has come over, her eyes are bright and alive as she tells story after story about her days in this classroom. She expresses boundless gratitude for the experience, and exudes excitement and passion for what is presently happening in her life. Even the difficult moments are recounted with cheerful perspective.

We couldn’t be happier for our girl. What more could any parent want for their child than to see them happy and energized?

Last year at this time Alex was struggling with not only a walloping bout of vertigo, but also with establishing a sense of direction that felt right.

The fabulous mentoring that Alex has received this spring has certainly played a part in her renewed sense of optimism. It’s not even that anything is ideal or perfect about this teaching assignment,

rather something about it, or perhaps everything about it, has managed to reach her heart in a very real and significant way.

And so the power of mentoring has been on my mind as of late.

Personally, I have had the opportunity to be mentored by some incredible women   who have virtually changed my course,

changed who I am

changed what I am about.

I will write about those women on another day.

Today I am focusing on the indescribable gratitude I feel towards the people who have, are, and will mentor my kids. Today, the peace prize is being handed over into your deserving arms.

From my very first days of mothering, I was acutely aware of my responsibility to nurture independence and resilience in my kids.

This means letting them out into the world and trusting (this part has been SO hard for me) that they need to find their own footing, learn from their mistakes, and explore,

so that slowly but surely a strong sense of self can begin to emerge.

Amazingly, though, wonderful role models (extended family members, teachers, coaches, assistants, friends’ parents)  have appeared in their lives,

modeling qualities that I don’t have, lighting fires that I can’t light, sharing perspectives that I don’t have, teaching skills that I don’t own, and relaying lessons that my kids are tired of hearing from my voice.

Thank you, ALL of you,

and this week, thank you in particular to one specific master middle school teacher who was able to show our daughter what teaching can be,

and that it is a wondrous profession, worthy of commitment and passion.

2) Trading Eggs for Pants

Given that it’s Easter, I thought I would most cleverly inject an egg related topic.

I have a very dear friend, you see, who actually delivers farm fresh eggs to my house every week! This brings me no end of delight.

I love it when Andrea stops by with my goods and we get to have a brief chat,

I love when I am baking or cooking and I pull out the eggs from the fridge

and my heart sings, My friend gave me these beautiful eggs  –

I love that these eggs are so big and plump that the top lid of the carton often won’t even close.

Also, I love how wonderful everything tastes when I use these wholesome eggs, and I am not just imagining this.

Andrea and I have a long and magical history of reciprocity.

We met waitressing together as teenagers and became fast friends. When I divorced in my late twenties and returned to Lethbridge, she guided me to an apartment to rent right away. My new apartment ended up belonging to Dan’s father, and so I consequently met and married Dan. After Dan and I married, I was teaching grade one full time and I arranged to have Andrea do her final teaching internship with me. When I left teaching once Olivia was born, Andrea took over my position. And so it has gone with us two.

Now it’s eggs.

In turn, I give Andrea books and clothes that my kids have outgrown.

She shows up with the eggs, and I hand over a bulging bag of old egg cartons and other assortments:  pajamas, used books, shoes still in relatively good condition, and sometimes, pants.

The other day when we met for coffee we argued over who should pay.

She said, ‘You clothe my kids.’

I said, ‘You feed my family’.

This is how I think the world should work. It really is a beautiful arrangement.

3) Doodling

I am on a quest to learn how to play. This is a very serious and real quest.

I have imagined and prepared for this quest my entire life (long before the wonderful Brene Brown appeared on the wellness scene).

Dan and I pretty much decided that we were getting married on our second date after a lengthy theoretical and wine-induced discussion we had at the Saigonese restaurant about the importance of play. He had actually based his architectural thesis on this idea.

Now this was a man I knew I would love for a lifetime.

Here’s the thing, though. I can write and talk about play forever. I am sure that I could even muster up a fairly successful thesis myself on the topic if required .

However, I am not so good at applying it in my own life.

I am very good at setting up play experiences for others. I will set out the paints and clean them up. I can plan a Harry Potter Party, Hobbit party, fairy party, day at the office party, you name it  -and it will knock your socks off. I can imagine it and execute it for others without fail.

When it comes to planning play for just me, though, I often can’t be bothered.

What I have come to realize, though, is that all this new talk about play being essential is not just fluff.

Play fuels and renews joy. Play is an antidote to lethargy, hopelessness, anxiety. Play creates and triggers meaning. Playing grounds us in the moment. Play builds peace and connections.

So this week, I am working on my doodling because that’s a safe and gentle place to start.

Yes, I did say doodling. Shhhhh…..don’t tell. It’s a bit embarrassing and not at all ‘productive’.

Not to worry, though, my small segments of doodling are still limited to my black pen, and are interspersed between very official and important tasks such as making grocery lists, checking banking info, returning emails, and filling out forms.

Watch out world, though, because when I really get into it

I might actually break out the colored pack of fine-tip markers and

I may even lose a little track of time without even a fleeting thought as to whether or not I am being ‘productive’.

Who knows what that might eventually lead to.

Bring it on.

For anyone else brave and silly enough to enter the realms of absolutely purposeless doodling (it’s actually quite a trend) check out this absolutely marvelous book, ‘Creative Doodling & Beyond‘ by Stephanie Corfee.

What are your thoughts on mentors? reciprocity in friendships? How do you play?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On Raccoons, Make-up Free Selfies, and ‘Archetypes’

Every week I speak to three subjects: books, ideas, people, products, or innovations that I believe are peace-building, heart-opening, community-celebrating, love-spreading vehicles. Complaining and criticizing are easy traps to fall into, but I am convinced that building up holds far more power and transformative energy.

So, my sweet friends, here goes…Our world is a beautiful village and peace does begin at home.

1) Raccoon Rescue

A few of our neighbours jokingly call me ‘Snow White’ because I have an uncanny ability to attract wildlife.

We have had our share of mice and a few birds in the house over the years, all the cats from miles around seem to favour our yard, one day I came home and found a bat hanging from the window ledge in our kitchen, and for the past few years a mama raccoon has decided to make her nest in our attic.

So, either I am channeling some sort of friendliness to all creatures or we have a lot of accessible openings in our yard and house. To be fair, it is a very old house.

Either way, I have become (a little) less apt to shriek and panic when surprised by a new ‘visitor’.

After dropping Olivia off at school one day a few weeks ago, I returned home and discovered fragments of pink insulation spread out over our driveway. My lovely neighbour Lorraine saw me standing there assessing this surprising situation and came over. We both quickly concluded that Madame Raccoon, industrious and determined as she is, had returned.

Dan and I (13 years together have made us increasingly adept at problem solving) decided that there had to be a peaceful and easy solution to this problem and we would find it. I know that many folks (esp. our friends and family in Toronto) have consistent raccoon issues and might not have ANY patience for our willingness to work with Mrs. Raccoon, but so be it – raccoons are a little less common here.

We knew we needed help though. She was likely creating tons of damage in our attic and we needed her to move on out before she had her babies because that would be a bit of a game changer.

I googled pest control in our city, and called ‘Killer Pest Control’. The name seemed a little harsh but there weren’t a lot of options.

‘Mike’ agreed to help us.

He set up a trap, routinely checked on it, and debriefed us on raccoon behaviour.

When we came home from a weekend away and found our friend trapped, we called Mike and he came right over even though it was a Sunday afternoon. (Fortunately, her trauma may have been lessened by the full can of sardines in her trap). Along with his young daughter, Mike drove our masked mama down to the river bottom a fair distance away and made sure that was safely on her way to a new life.

Mike also phoned me right after the relocation mission to assure me that she was actually surprisingly non-aggressive and seemed content. He also reassured me that we did not need to worry about having a roof full of babies, rather the babies were still most definitely tucked inside her.

If that wasn’t enough, when Mike stopped by a few days later with our bill, he gave me yet another full report and yet more assurances that Ms.Raccoon was most likely doing just fine down by the river.

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Who would have guessed that even people under the guise of startling names like ‘Killer Pest Control’ can be peace-building, collaborative sorts finding creative ways to do their jobs with the very best level of kindness and integrity.

Thanks Mike.

2) Make-up Free Selfies

Many women have had the experience of being nominated to post a make-up free selfie on Facebook recently, myself included. I had immediate qualms, however, and decided against participating.

There are already pictures of me on Facebook sans makeup, I didn’t particularly feel like inviting new comments on my appearance, I didn’t know what this movement was for really, nor did I want to put pressure on anybody else to participate.

Despite my misgivings though,

I felt that the concept did have some merit in a culture obsessed with the perfect image,

but I didn’t think much more about it.

Then, I saw this article in the Globe and Mail and found myself agreeing with every word.

Later on that day, I came across an article from a blog called ‘Your Daisy Dose’, written by Daisy Raphael. Daisy is the daughter of our recently deceased beloved family doctor who died of pancreatic cancer.

Daisy wrote this intelligent piece from the depths of her heart and it is a devastatingly beautiful commentary on why she wouldn’t post a make-up free selfie.

Through her moving description of her father’s experience, she shows us the real face of cancer which has very little to do with make-up free, healthy faces.

Daisy, I truly appreciated hearing about your father’s last year, in all of its wholeness, and not just about the ‘good’ days.

I, too, watched my mom die of cancer and there is nothing glamorous about watching your too-young parent deteriorate before your eyes.

Also, thank you Daisy for having the courage to talk about death and dying. As a culture, we generally seem to be afraid of this subject and so many of us, as a result, are shockingly ill-equipped to deal with it when it happens to us.

Collectively, we are not properly taught how to support those who are grieving either. Telling our stories is an important step in the healing process, though, and I am so grateful for your openness and willingness to be vulnerable.

We desperately need to create more spaces for all of our stories.

Lastly, thank you Daisy for talking about the beautiful moments that invariably accompany watching a beloved one die. When the veil between life and death is thin, it seems that all emotions, and life itself, is amplified.

You described this perfectly.

3) ‘Archetypes’ by Caroline Myss

Long before I understood what the word ‘archetype’ even meant, I loved the idea of there being central themes and recurring common human traits. I was an English major after all. I love symbolism and have been drawn to things like fairy tales and tarot cards since forever.

Don’t we ALL love categorizing ourselves though?

Amost every day on Facebook, it seems, a new quiz can be found that will tell you what rock group, colour, animal, ‘Frozen’ character, or city you are. Today it was ‘Which 80’s cartoon character are you?’ (I got She-Ra, Princess of Power, in case you’re interested).

Generally, we do love this stuff. It is a quick and easy way to gain validation for being the way we are.

It is also affirmation that we are not who we are not.

Often, though, I am mostly annoyed with whatever quiz it is and I often don’t even finish because it never delves deeply  enough and I don’t resonate with most of the choices given. And really,  5 questions to neatly categorize a person!?

These are some of the reasons that I bought Caroline Myss’ book ‘Archetypes’, after hearing her speak in Vancouver last year. In her new book, Myss offers her version of 12 modern day archetypes  as well as a full gallery of further archetypes with which we may identify.  She even has a website whereby you can  –wait for it…..take a quiz and find out which archetype you are. What is refreshing, though, is that the results indicate your top archetypal influences rather than having it all be narrowed down to just one.

To be honest, as I read through Myss’ book, I could relate to elements of most archetypes (except the athlete!) but certainly agreed that certain archetypal influences fuel and motivate me more than others.

To a certain degree, it even gave me more permission to be me.

I yearn to write and create, for example, because I am a ‘creative’ and a ‘seeker’.

Simple as that,

but how often do we stifle our deepest yearnings and talk ourselves out of them? (I have done this for most of my life).

I think that is quite useful and freeing, as well, to be reminded that we are simply all not driven by the same forces.

Furthermore, we need diversity of thought and action.

The world requires  advocates, artists, caregivers, intellectuals, executives, rebels, spiritual seekers, visionaries, and athletes to blossom into fullness. It can even be argued, quite convincingly, that we need ‘fashionistas’.

Collectively and personally, we are melting pots of stories, mythical influences, ancient longings, triumphs and challenges that simply get re-told over and over.

Though there is always the danger of over-labeling which negates the beautiful complexities and limitless potential within us all, we can remember what I deem to be one of the greatest archetypal stories ever re-told,

that of the rising phoenix from the ashes, assuring us that we can and will overcome and transcend (thanks to J.K. Rowling for re-kindling the phoenix image for yet another generation).

Oh yeah, and use our powers for good.